Tanuu Blog

I have encountered folks who have complained to me about their numerous (dog) behavior problems. And interestingly enough, I usually discover that most of the behavioral problems are linked to a common factor. That common factor being pet owners all too often miss crucial, pet communication signals because of their busy lifestyles.

What do I mean, “…miss crucial, pet communication signals…?” While many people love the idea of having animal companions, we also have daily responsibilities such as jobs, attending school, families, and other priorities. And usually, our pets end up last place on life’s totem pole.

Another issue that certainly plays a key factor in how capable we are to understanding our animals’ needs and wants is whether or not we have indoor or outdoor pets. Though indoor pets may pose a little extra patience with regard to training, I highly recommend (as does the Humane Society ) keeping pets indoors with family.

What most individuals do not take into account is that once a collective choice is made to adopt an animal, that is precisely what is being done: we are adopting a living, feeling, creature into our lives; thus, we must consciously realize that by adopting an animal, he or she is to become a permanent addition and family member.

We certainly wouldn’t adopt a newborn and place him outside on a chain all day until we returned from work, would we? Therefore, we must always remember to treat our animals just as considerately and compassionately as we would our own children.

Puppies and dogs, like their human toddler counterparts, are innately curious, clumsy and tend to have accidents. When we understand that these commonalties exist and we anticipate this prior to welcoming Rover into our hearts and homes, we are better able to coexist and develop a long-term and loving reciprocal relationship with our animal counterparts.

So step one into understanding our pets is to unconditionally accept them into our homes. Having several, large canine companions, (whom all live indoors with me), I’ve learned to recognize and distinguish types of body language and visual dialogue that speaks volumes. When our dogs live indoors with us, we can interpret the language of love. Not only do we see their personalities unfold before our eyes, we learn to be intuitive to each of our pets’ needs, similar to our own.

From experience, I can literally close my eyes and distinguish each dog’s presence simply by touch and sense. Why? Because by having them alongside me, I’ve learned their individual motions, breathes, sounds and feel. And in turn, they present their comical and goofy sides, their playfulness and their unconditional love for us.

When we invite our dogs into our lives - truly into our lives - we discover a world of fascination, innocence, inspiration, laughter, amusement, and an indescribable love. So how can pet owners learn to better understand their dog’s behavior? Give Beethoven a bath, bring him inside and watch how his character evolves. The more time we spend one-on-one with our dogs, the better

I coached as my wife was delivering our third child. She was at the final phase of delivery where the last few pushes would result in the birth of our second daughter. As the crown of our daughter’s head protruded slightly from the very end of the birth canal, my wife’s obstetrician yelled, “Stop! Don’t push…”

He quickly positioned a hypodermic needle and injected anesthetic into a section of my wife’s perineal tissue - the skin between the vagina and the anus. Next he grabbed a scalpel and carefully addressed the freshly anesthetized area. The attending nurse and I instinctively wheeled our heads to the side so that our eyes could not see what happened next. “I never watch this part,” she told me, as the doctor quickly performed a simple procedure known as an episiotomy. Our daughter was born minutes later. As mother and daughter were meeting face-to-face for the very first time, the doctor was busy stitching the incision created during the episiotomy.

The idea behind performing an episiotomy is twofold. The first reason is concern for the baby. Passing through the vaginal canal is the most stressful time for a baby experiencing a traditional vaginal birth. Cutting the perineal tissue creates a wider opening so that the baby can slip through more easily. The second reason is, in theory, to prevent out-of-control tearing of the mother’s perineal tissue. The idea is that, by making an incision, the area affected by cutting or tearing is controlled to a certain extent by the attending physician. The problem is that not all mothers experience tearing, so the laceration can be unnecessary.

According to an article by Salynn Boyles published on WebMD (http://my.webmd.com/content/article/110/109783.htm), The Journal of the American Medical Association (Vol. 293 No. 17, May 4, 2005) reports that researchers screened nearly 1,000 medical resources published in the past 60 years looking for data measuring the effectiveness of the procedure. Data from twenty-six articles contained relevant content and were aggregated to form conclusions.

The article reported that there was “fair to good” evidence that the results of routine episiotomy were not advantageous over the results of those with restrictive use of episiotomy. In cases where episiotomy was performed routinely, the severity of the laceration, the degree of pain suffered, and the amount of medication needed to treat was no better than for cases where episiotomy was not routinely performed.

Though most of the individuals were not followed late into life, relevant studies have shown no benefit from episiotomy for the prevention of urinary incontinence or pelvic floor muscle relaxation. Studies have also shown that “impaired sexual function - pain with intercourse - was more common among women” who had the procedure. A report published in the British Medical Journal in January of 2000 reported that women who received episiotomies during delivery had a significantly higher incidence of anal incontinence - the inability to control bowel movements and gas - than their counterparts who did not receive the procedure.

At best episiotomy is something no one wants to

Criticism is punitive

Our children judge themselves on the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, demeaning adjectives or a sarcastic tone of voice, we literally strip a child’s core of self-confidence and make them less likely to try to please us.

Studies have shown that verbal abuse is more likely than physical abuse to damage children’s self esteem.

Not only does it damage their soul, it is counter productive to cooperation and lasting change.

Encouragement is uplifting

Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.

Parents need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior or winning the prize in soccer.

Positive correction that changes behavior

A very effective way of communicating is create a verbal Encouragement Sandwich:

1 Start off with a slice of the bread of life. For example, “I really admire the way you are learning to take better care of your things.”

2. Next, add a little mayo spread lightly, “I felt happy when I saw you hang up your new jacket last night.”

3. Then, the slice of sharp cheese, “However, I noticed you left your bike outside in the rain again.”

4. On top of the cheese, a little spicy mustard to catch their attention, “Please put it away every night or we will have to lock it up for a week each time it is left out.”.

5. Finally, another slice of bread, “All in all, you are a responsible kid and I have confidence you will choose to take better care of your bike.”

Do they get the message of the mistake of leaving the bike out? Yes, but it is not by attacking them personally and this method of correction gives them an incentive to do better.

Nurturing better behavior

Some parents and care givers, particularly those who did not receive much love or encouragement in their childhoods, often fail to see the importance of nurturing the inner core of a child. The sad part of this is that encouragement and kind feedback will bring about positive change, whereas criticism brings about rebellion, anger and loss of self worth.

Encouragement Works

Zig Ziglar, an internationally known motivational speaker, has said “When we have positive input, we have positive output, and when we have negative input, we have negative output.”

As a parent educator, mother and grandmother, may I suggest that you need to be very careful of the words you choose to motivate your children?

It helps if you break up the word to read “en” courage, which means giving a gift of courage: the courage to keep trying, to keep up the good work, to focus on next time and not give up. This courage helps the child realize that they can make mistakes and they will still be loved and valued. Where as “dis” courage or criticism takes away the courage to try new